The War on My Mind by Lynnette Alexander

When I was a little girl, about eight years old, I asked my father if he had ever fought in a war. He was born in 1917, so it was possible that he could have fought in WWII or the Korean War. He told me that he hadn’t, but that he had worked at Hill Air Force Base in northern Utah. He was a machinist there. I had feelings of relief that my father was never directly involved with combat. He was such a good dad to have talks with me like this. I had been reading the ten commandments, and in the same conversation I asked my father, “if God said, ‘Thou shalt not kill’, does our church believe it was okay to go to war?” He answered me with, “Yes, they also believe in the law of the land.” I shook my head and said, “No, it’s not right, Daddy. I know in my heart that God would not want us to take anyone’s life.” He told me that I was probably right.
When I went to Sunday school I was taught that God was everything and everywhere. I was so excited to hear this! This was a magical thought for me. However, when I left the classroom, I could see no evidence of it. I was so confused and lost. Over the years going to church and hearing such wonderful stories and lessons left me so confused when none of it was being carried out by anyone including the teachers. All I ever saw was everyone passing judgment on everyone. I gave up. I gave in. By the time I was a teenager, I had decided the world was right, and we should judge and persecute others. So as a young adult, I, like most Americans, wanted Saddam Hussein dead. After all, we are all human. But we are also spirit. I was happy when my faith finally returned.
Thanks to teachers like Dr. Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks, and many more, I now believe everything happens for a reason. We all have ups and downs in life regardless of our efforts to escape undesirable experiences. When they do happen, it is hard to see why it would benefit us in any way. Yet sometimes when it is over, we can look back, and see a reason for what we have gone through in order to accomplish something. I think we all have a little Shiva inside us. We often destroy ourselves and relationships in order to evolve as a person. Others often wait until they die to attain renewal of the soul. Shiva is known as the Hindu God that destroys negativity for renewal and growth (Chopra). Louise Steinman, maybe subconsciously, writes about this when she talks about the growth after the bombing of Hiroshima and the swans coming back after nearing extinction from being overly hunted (Steinman 133, 154-156). To me regrowth after destruction is linked to reconciliation.
In order to have reconciliation you have to be willing to face opposition with empathy and toleration. Try and see things from the other person’s point view if possible. Be willing to let love inspire you. With reconciliation comes a sense of freedom that is very rewarding to the soul. As Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it” (Twain). When you can let love over power the need to be right, and forgive like you would want to be forgiven for your mistakes, there is sense of release as well. Wayne Dyer helps me to be in the vibration of forgiveness in his book Inspiration Your Ultimate Calling when he talks about how God is in everyone and so it is impossible for God to have a conversation with one who is still having ideas that they are special or separate from everyone else. You cannot forgive with anger in your heart. When we can get to a place in our heart where we realize that we are all one and we can have love for everyone, we can make way to forgive others as we would like to be forgiven (Dyer 194 – 196) . Let’s face it, none of us have been angels all our lives if any. I know what I have done, and I am truly sorry for my mistakes. But I think all of our experiences are for us to learn by. Learning to forgive is very good for the soul.
I watched a video of a conference where Esther Hicks channeled Abraham to help a Vietnam veteran with his memories bothering him. She said that the reason anything keeps coming to mind is either because it was so extremely traumatic or that he is choosing to repeatedly think about it. He is not responsible for what was not only asked of him, but demanded of him, in the taking of other lives. He is responsible for how he feels about it now and for how often he chooses to think about it now. Through life experience he was in a situation where others demanded him to behave in a way that didn’t match who he was. His discomfort is not because he took lives, because it’s all co-creation there is no death. Life is always reemerging in a different form. He’s suffering because he was following guidance that was different from the guidance that was coming from within. We often think that we are suffering when loved ones pass on, but the pain that we are feeling is because we are using that as an excuse to not be who we are. We’re not missing them, we’re missing the way we felt before we were using that as the excuse not to feel a certain way. He is not letting God love him the way the source within him loves him even though he had that experience. He’s holding himself apart from the love that God offers him and using that as the excuse (Hicks).
I thought that I had this lesson of forgiveness figured out until I had to read The Souvenir by Louise Steinman. I hadn’t realized that I have not forgiven the military and the ones in charge who try and brainwash us to hate other people so that we can justify killing them to reap their land of oil or any other commodity worth money. I have such a hard time with them as I did when I was a child, people claiming that Jesus Christ and God are to be obeyed. It might seem like just another case of hypocrisy, but it is so hard for me to respect people held high in authority who have no integrity. This is my current battle. It’s a vicious circle for me. Here I am judging people who are just further away from their source than others. People who do not understand that all life is precious. People who worship Jesus Christ and God, yet they can’t live by God’s laws. Why can’t I be like Jesus and God and forgive them, for they know not what they do? Even though I am sure some of them are very aware that what they are doing is wrong. I think that’s why they have Post-traumatic stress disorder. I think some of them are afraid because they know that God knows everything.
The ten commandments is not the only place in the Bible where we are told that killing is wrong. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus talks about how men who break God’s law and teach others to do so will be the last called into heaven. In the same chapter he talks about God’s law about killing and about forgiving, and about not seeking revenge on your enemies, but forgiving them and praying for them (King James Matthew 5). Why is this not the main focus in Christian churches? And how can anyone who not only condones killing others, but teaches others to do so, call themselves Christian? As I am writing this I am finding out that maybe I need to forgive Christians as well as politicians and the military. I do think people can be forgiven for taking lives especially when they are sorry for what they did. So why am I having such a hard time with people just thinking that it is okay? I know that in some of the books and scriptures of the Bible it has been justified, but I know in my heart that Jesus and God value all of life. So they have been taught that it is okay. I think that we are here on this Earth to learn how to love and forgive one another.
Jesus said in the book of Matthew “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift (King James Matthew 5: 23, 24).” I think the whole Sermon on the Mount sums up that we should love and forgive one another. He talks about entering the kingdom of heaven (King James Matthew 5: 1-48). I think that heaven is within. I think that the devil or evil is just our ego. When we can set our ego aside to love and forgive one another as we love ourselves or God, then the gift of heaven is within. I suggest that when we hold grudges against others, especially to the point where we feel anger or hatred, that is the devil or the ego controlling us.

Works Cited
Chopra, Deepak. “Shiva.” chopra.com. The Chopra Center, 2009. Web. 29 May 2011. .
Dyer, Wayne W. Inspiration Your Ultimate Calling. Carlsbad: Hay House Inc., 2006. Print.
Hicks, Esther. “Abraham: WAR, PETS AND ALIGNMENT – Esther & Jerry Hicks .” YouTube.com. YouTube, 6 Aug. 2009. Web. 2 June 2011. .
“Matthew 5 (King James Version).” biblegateway.com. Christian Persecution, Church Fundraising, Book Self Publishing, Gospel for Asia, Medi-Share, 9 Sept. 2010. Web. 1 June 2011. .
Steinman, Louise. The Souvenir. Chapel Hill: Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, 2001. Print.
Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes.” brainyquote.com. N.p., 2001 – 2011. Web. 29 May 2011. .